


what if autumn comes?

by sunflower_8



Category: Soul Calibur
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Coming Out, Demonic Possession, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sexuality Crisis, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, pls do not take my toes, stepping my toes into this fandom, very minor taki/sophitia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24970570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: Leixia is her closest friend. Being around her is wonderful. But something about the heart palpitations she gets, the way she feels disappointed when Xiba interrupts their time alone, the way she really, really, really wants to kiss her…… and she thinks Maxi knows, too, judging by the eyebrow-raising and winks. If he does, that would be humiliating. It’s probably fine, though. Maybe all best friends feel like kissing each other.(or, natsu tries to confront her confusing feelings and receives comfort from someone more like her than she initially thought.)
Relationships: Kilik/Maxi (Soul Calibur), Natsu & Maxi, Natsu (Soul Calibur)/Yan Leixia
Comments: 7
Kudos: 7





	what if autumn comes?

The sunset has just fallen, eclipsing the hillside in darkness. Rain has stopped pouring a while ago, but dew still remains on blades of dark, shadowed grass. The wind continues to move steadily, a lot cooler without the ever-present sun watching from behind the clouds. It is summer, though, so the cold isn’t significant enough to bother Natsu. 

_ (even though something lingers in the air, disquieting, sickening. the fear that autumn would arrive and bring a keenness in the air, enough to kill, enough to-) _

She stretches her arms over her head and rolls her shoulders back and forth. She’s tired and yet unable to sleep, so she may as well get some training in. Or, well, more likely, she’ll get a chance to be alone and think through things. Which, inherently, isn’t much  _ better  _ than exercise, but sometimes a bit of quiet is needed when life is so… fast-paced. When everything is on the brink of being lost.

Natsu settles down in the grass, wrinkling her nose at the feeling of dew against her bare skin. She really loves hanging around with her friends, sparring and chatting, but every second wasted messing around is a second lost in her journey to find her master, Taki. It’s been two months since she left on her two-week long journey. With the rise of danger and Soul Edge, she may be-

No. She isn’t dead. She may have gotten lost. Or found another mission on the way. God knows Natsu gets distracted easily.

_ (but you aren’t her, natsu. you’re an amateur. a student bouncing between two mentors, two friends, two sets of morals. the duality is your end, blade resting in your hands.) _

She closes her eyes, wishing the warmth of daylight could shine on her face. Instead, she is comforted by nothing, left alone to thoughts that wish ill of her. The demon sealed inside her-- Arahabaki-- is her will, her strength, her control. He is also the spark of her rebellion and the piece of her that is slowly cracking, breaking, shifting, shattering.

It’s not a big deal. She can grapple with the thoughts that torment her. She knows she’s a fairly cool person and her possession is idiosyncratic to her best friend, Leixia, so really, she can just deal with it. It’s fine. It’s-

_(you only think it’s fine because leixia. she’s envious of your cursed blood, your battles that go unspoken. she wants to be tough like her mother. and yet, yet_ _you still love her just the same, don’t you?)_

Leixia is her closest friend. Being around her is wonderful. But something about the heart palpitations she gets, the way she feels disappointed when Xiba interrupts their time alone, the way she really, really,  _ really _ wants to kiss her…

… and she thinks Maxi knows, too, judging by the eyebrow-raising and winks. If he does, that would be  _ humiliating.  _ It’s probably fine, though. Maybe all best friends feel like kissing each other-- this is the first one she’s had, so maybe Leixia has kissed lots of other girls.

Or guys.

_ (the image of her with someone else hurts you, doesn’t it?) _

Natsu is fine if she believes she is.

She is fine.

She is fine.

She is-

She startles when she feels a hand on her shoulder. “Wh-,” she manages, turning her head and immediately relaxing when she sees Maxi kneeling beside her, a small smile on his face. The two of them aren’t as close as the man is to Xiba and Leixia (likely because Natsu is only with them until she finds her master), but Natsu still likes seeing him. He’s a lot less strict than Taki is, a lot more fun.

_ (they’re both just as sad, though. you’ve seen taki’s face when she thinks you aren’t looking. she lost her master and failed to save a girl, a friend, from death to her sworn enemy. maxi wears the same expression; the price of causing wars and ending them for years upon years.) _

“Hey, kid. Why’re you out here?” Maxi asks, eyebrow quirked. Natsu can read faint concern in his eyes, but she can also see that he trusts her. A mistake, truly, given how much of a goddamn disaster Natsu is, but regardless.

She shrugs, “Couldn’t sleep. It’s not that late, is it?” It’s a rhetorical question. She learned long ago how to approximate the time by looking at the stars through whatever ash may shroud them. “Hey, why are  _ you  _ out here?”

He sits beside her, resting his head against a tree trunk. His hair is dark enough to fade into the night, and Natsu has the absurd thought that the rest of him may disappear, too. She waves it off; Maxi is a constant. “Same reasons. Mind if I sit with you?” he asks, but it’s not like Natsu would ever turn him down.

“Sure,” Natsu responds casually, untying her hair to give herself something to fidget with. The peach-colored curls still fall around her, unruly and impossible to tame. Distracting herself with trying to fix something menial is a relief, but it  _ is  _ still annoying. “Ugh. I hate my hair so much. It’s utterly hopeless,” she grumbles.

Maxi smiles, his eyes crinkling just a bit. “Nah. You look fine, kid.”

“Says you.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re the one always fixing your hair.”

“I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Mhmm.” She ties her hair up again. There’s no point in trying to salvage her looks. “Who are you trying to impress?” She shoots him a smirk, “Lady on the side?” She can’t… actually see Maxi being with a woman  _ ever _ . But… maybe she just hasn’t seen enough. Which, she hates the thought of that, but… most people settle down, these days. Even with Soul Edge’s presence being relentless. So… huh.

“Hah, no. I’m too old for that kind of shit. You’re the teen. Seventeen, yeah? Shouldn’t I be askin’ you that?” His eyes twinkle with mischief.

_ (who are you trying to impress, natsu?) _

_ (taki is gone, and she never cared for your appearance. she wore undershirts and denied men’s advances. maxi doesn’t care what you look like. he’s seen you at your worst. xiba looks like a mess all the time so it’s not like he can judge you. so who is it, natsu? whose the only person you have left?) _

Sometimes, she wonders why she has to hide these things from Maxi. He’s been through a lot-- she’s heard stories that he’s told Xiba, sounding sweet for the dark things that it hides. Surely he’s heard worse,  _ allied _ with worse. It’s not as though she couldn’t best him in a fight, either, if it came down to that. Natsu learned from the best, and she would hope that she’s more agile than a 45 year old man, even if he  _ is  _ experienced. 

It’s not about the severity of the confession or the fight itself. It’s just… Natsu is so  _ tired  _ of being prepared to flee, to leave them if they all turned on her. She knows there’s little security to be found in the world, she knows the stench of traitors and malfested litter the scorched earth as if it’s their home, but as long as she keeps everything to herself, she is safe. 

She has to be safe.

“Kid?”

Natsu shakes her head, forcing away her thoughts in favor of putting on a convincing smile and looking at Maxi. “Whoops,” she lies, “got distracted.”

“Really?” Maxi presses. 

She nods. “Yep. Just started thinking about my hair again.” She’s not going to be a buzzkill. 

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he immediately calls out.  _ Shit.  _ “Candid talks, yeah? What’s goin’ on?”

She shakes her head. “Just… a lot on my mind. Not much to worry about. I’m fine.”

He sighs deeply, and Natsu registers somewhere in her head that she fucked up. “You’re like me. We don’t talk about anything even when it hurts you. Xiba and Leixia are more open than that and we have to start doing it. Cuz it works for them, doesn’t it?”

“But they’re happy,” Natsu interjects sharply. She immediately regrets it when she notices Maxi’s concerned, almost tired look. She’s only going to make her mentor more persistent, which is annoying, but she’s not a perfect liar. She just needs to be a mediocre one, maybe, right? “I’m… I’m not saying I’m  _ not _ , but-”

“Natsu.” The way he says her name makes her only get more frantic.

She’s never… even thought about that, actually. Not being happy. Because, well, isn’t  _ everyone  _ unhappy, these days? How is she supposed to handle all the terror, the dismay, the visceral  _ fear  _ attributed to survival-- how is she supposed to handle that with a lighthearted ease? It’s normal to want to sink into the dirt, right? It’s normal to want to give up, right? It’s normal to feel… like this, right? There’s nothing wrong with it… right?

But like hell is she going to voice  _ any  _ of that to Maxi.

She stands up. “I’m happy. I’m confident. I really am. I’m strong, I’m tough. I’m fine. I’m  _ happy _ .” She puts so much emphasis on the word that it shatters on her tongue. Maxi says nothing, just staring up at her sadly. “I’m going to go to bed. Because nothing keeps me up at night. Because I’m happy. And you don’t know  _ shit. _ ” She adds on the end, hoping it will hurt him and force him to drop the topic.

“Natsu,” he repeats, an edge in his voice. “Stop it.”

_ Dammit, Maxi…! _

“What do you know, huh?” She spins around on her heel, glaring at him. “What the fuck do you know? You’re too  _ old  _ for this. You don’t get it. All you have to worry about is  _ Soul Edge _ , what do you know?”

_ (why mention soul edge, natsu? why? why why why?) _

“A lot more than you fucking think I do.” He stands up, his eyes fiery and protective. It scares Natsu a little, but she stands her ground. She won’t let her feelings break. She won’t let him know. “Don’t storm off. Listen to me.”

“You wouldn’t get half the shit I’ve felt!” Her voice raises to a shout. “Just fuck off and leave me alone-!”

_ “I’VE BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE, NATSU!” _

Her heart stops. 

( _ this is karma.) _

Maxi’s face softens, the anger previously apparent dying down. “I’m sorry. That was harsh. I need to work on my temper.” He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “… Do you think I didn’t notice, Natsu? I’ve seen how you act. The way you look. It’s hard to ignore this shit when you’re staring at your shadow, doing the same shit as you just a generation before. You can fool them but you can’t fool me. I know the things you do to hide it. I-”

“Stop,” she says, her voice more serious than usual. She hardly recognizes herself. Defeated, she settles on the grass. “I get it, okay? Shouldn’t have lied. Whatever.” She pauses for a little, listening to the frightening sound of dead silence, weighed by emotion. She hates the heaviness, hates being honest with herself, hates the misery when fighting can’t distract her. Eventually, she mumbles, “It’s not going to work out.”

He shakes his head, “You guys are dumb kids. It’ll work out fine.”

“Don’t lie to me,” she responds. He stops talking, and she musters a bitter laugh. “Hah. I know it’s not even possible. She’s not even- fuck.” She reaches up to pull at her hair, panic rising in her head alongside possible excuses. None form.  _ He’s going to hate you and you’ll be all alone. You’re not strong enough to make it. You’ll be alone. Alone, alone--  _ “I-”

“Chill.” He reaches out and rests a hand on her knee. “I’m not goin’ to get all pissy with you because of that.”

“It’s abnormal,” she weakly argues.

_ (it’s disgusting. you are disgusting. you aren’t here to fall in love. you’re here to get stronger, find your master. so why are you failing?) _

“I like guys, Natsu. It’s fine. I’m not going to let you spiral about whether it’s normal or not after I spent years battling that.”

He says it casually, but it leaves her in shock. She’s never… heard of that kind of thing before. She’s seen Leixia’s parents, a couple of nobility, girl and boy, and that’s what she based everything on. Because, well, it worked out, didn’t it? Nobody talks about girls with girls, because they can’t have kids. So they can’t have families.

But Natsu’s family is with her master. And Maxi. And Xiba. And  _ Leixia.  _

So does it really matter? That… that she can’t… start a family…?

It must. Because at the end of the day… “She doesn’t like girls, though. All she talks about is boys. She’s going to grow up and marry a noble and continue the family legacy and that shit. And I’m just going to be a failure with no family, destined to love girls like her.” She rubs her temples and fights the sudden, idiotic urge to cry. “So there. That’s the openness you wanted me to have. Didn’t change anything, did it? I’m still a freak.”

“There’s a lot to unpack there, Natsu,” Maxi sighs. 

“Exactly,” she responds bitterly. “So don’t unpack it.”

“That’s not goin’ to work for me. Sorry.”

“It doesn’t even matter, because-”

_ (because they aren’t even permanent. as soon as you find your master, they’ll forget about you. _

_ your life has never been about freedom. nobody’s life is. under the damned sky of betrayal and evil, you have nothing but purpose to guide you. no prophecy spoke of a delicate girl loving the hopeless ninja. that isn’t your task and it isn’t hers. _

_ she could not possibly care less.) _

“Natsu, you’ve got to stop dropping off on me. You’re scaring me-”

“I don’t even matter to her, do I?”

Maxi shakes his head, “Natsu, you’re wrong. You’re her best friend. Her bodyguard. She’s all over you. She-”

“Don’t.”

“Sorry.”

The two of them fall quiet for a few minutes. It feels like it stretches on for eternity-- the awkward, anxious silence that presses against her chest and steals away her breath. When he finally speaks, it’s so soft she can barely hear it. “I fell in love with my best friend, too.”

She feels like she needs to say something, but all she can manage is, “Oh.”

“Yeah,” he mutters. “Strong as hell. Peaceful guy. Virtuous. Wanted to save the world all the time. But he was also cool. Chill. I don’t really know how I was supposed to  _ not  _ like him.” Maxi picks at the rocks, smiling to himself. “He kept me grounded. I was insane, Natsu; I was so set on vengeance that I did so much hurtful shit. He always told me to stay away from Soul Edge, but I didn’t listen. And… And I hurt him. Really fucking bad.”

“What did you do?” She asks curiously, her voice lowering to a soft hum.

“I left.” Maxi’s sudden, sharp laugh takes Natsu off guard. “I  _ knew  _ I was too fucked up to stay. I went on an evil path, and… the second you go along with Soul Edge, that’s the end, y’know? So I had to leave and protect him, even though he didn’t want me to be alone. I missed him so bad.” He closes his eyes and inhales deeply. “I still miss him, y’know? Miss his voice, his laugh…” Maxi smiles abruptly. “Miss seeing him shirtless.”

“Woah, buddy.” Natsu cuts off with a laugh. “Keep that to yourself.”

Maxi raises his hands in a surrender position. “C’mon, kid. Let me have this.”

Something about the normalcy of it, the way Natsu can laugh about it, the  _ ease  _ of everything…

… it makes tears spring up in Natsu’s eyes. She covers her mouth to keep back annoying-sounding sobs, but she does nothing to stop the rivulets sliding down her face. Maxi stays silent, pulling her into a tight hug and letting her cry against his tunic. She hears him let out a quiet noise as well, being comforted in the fact that she isn’t crying alone, that she  _ isn’t fucking alone.  _

“I don’t… I don’t kn-know how t-to  _ not  _ l-love her,” she sobs out. She can hear Maxi shush her, but she keeps going, because she  _ needs  _ to get this out of her, she needs- “Sh-She’s beautiful, y’know? And- And ‘m just… she’s s-so  _ sweet _ . I just… w-wanna pl-play-fight with her, lay d-down in a m-meadow forever ‘n hold h-her. I-” her voice shrivels in her throat, then.

Maxi strokes the ends of her hair. “Yeah, kid. Just c-cry it out, a’ight?”

_ She lets herself go. _

She doesn’t know how long she cries for, how long she sobs over Leixia, over Taki, over  _ everything _ \-- but eventually, her eyes dry and she’s left sniffling awkwardly while Maxi pats her back. “You alright, kid?” he finally asks, making no moves to let her go. 

“Yeah. I…” she coughed. “Thank you.” 

“It’s goin’ to be alright,” he promises. “Shit’s hard for you, but it’s going to work out. You’re gonna find your master lady and do cool shit. Alright?”

Natsu nods. “Yeah.”

The two of them sit out on the hill together, waiting until sleep consumes them. It gets to Maxi first, leaving him snoring, while Natsu snickers to herself.

When she finally falls unconscious, her brain leaves her with one parting thought:

_ (what happens when you leave her?) _

**Author's Note:**

> hello soul calibur fandom how are we doing? 
> 
> i'm still a danganronpa fanfic account /but/ i did write this a bit ago, so i figured i'd post it. y'know. some of that good pride month content. anyway i feel like natsu, maxi, and taki are all tragic gays and i really just needed to say that. and honestly i might write maybe like... two? other soul calibur fics? that's a very rough approximation, but. i know there isn't a lot going on in this fandom but i think there's a lot of merit to exploring some complicated relationships posed in canon divergence (or even canonical events)... especially with some of SCV characters, since they don't have a whole lot of development.
> 
> soul calibur actually got me into fanfiction, if literally any of the two people reading this were curious. that good 'ol ZWEI x viola content... fantastic. i would write them but i'm of the thought process, now, that ZWEI is gay and viola is aro lesbian so. i guess there goes that idea? but i could do some nifty platonic ZWEI & viola stuff. maybe some ZWEI/patroklos, maxi/kilik, taki/sophitia, amy & raphael, y'know. once i work through my current wips.
> 
> natsu has "soul of confidence" and you're telling me i can't exploit that? smh. also another thing: i headcanon taki not being oversexualized and actually being modest because i think that fits her. so, uh. yup.
> 
> sorry this is a REMARKABLY long note BUT i have a lot to say about this fandom. sorry to all my dr readers who are like what the fuck is this shit. please know that every time i typed maxi i tried to type maki. anyway. until next time.


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